How to Have Better One-on-Ones

I regularly have one-on-one meetings. That is, regular check-ins with some of my peers, or my direct supervisor.

Which one am I? 🤔

We talk about work, what’s going on, how it’s going. We also talk about life. It’s an opportunity to build trust and get to know each other a bit outside the context of work.

One-on-ones are a great way to build trust, get help, and exercise accountability. But sometimes, getting through them can be a struggle.

I’ve been in one-on-ones that can meander. They can be awkward. They can be dominated by small talk. Or have no personal touch at all. Or they are dominated by one side, creating a monologue instead of a dialogue. And at the end of it, sometimes you can wonder what was accomplished.

How do you fix this?

The best place to start is simple…. make a plan. Have an agenda.

In Trillion Dollar Coach, the authors describe Bill Campbell’s approach to 1:1s, summarized as “5 Words on a Whiteboard.” If you happen to snag a copy of the book, you can read about it from pages 46-50.

The template is pretty straightforward. Each party prepares five topics to discuss. If you have a whiteboard available, each participant writes their five topics. Then, they can merge them into a structured agenda.

In the case of a manager-employee (or mentor-mentee as the case may be) meeting, the employee should list their topics first. There are a few benefits to this:

• This type of 1:1 should primarily be for the benefit of the employee. Their topics take precedence. Not a simple status report for the manager.

• This allows the opportunity for the manager to gain some insight into what is on the employee’s mind. What are they thinking about? How do they prioritize? This can be seized upon as a coaching moment in itself.

• Some managers can steamroll the interaction without giving the employee a chance to address topics they need help with or that otherwise need attention.

• If the manager goes first, this can put the employee in the position to mindlessly agree with the priorities as set by the boss and robs them of the chance for them to apply some critical thinking, and share what they think should be prioritized.

It doesn’t have to be five topics exactly. The point is to have some structure and put in some preparation.

Come in with just one topic. Even that would be an improvement.

Exercise just a little forethought and I think you’ll find the next 1:1 you’re in will go much more smoothly.

You’ll get something out of it.

And you might even enjoy it just a bit.